


Clubs

by SexySpoonsWillRuleUsAll (dainochild)



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-27
Updated: 2010-08-27
Packaged: 2017-11-14 10:46:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/514413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dainochild/pseuds/SexySpoonsWillRuleUsAll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Envy's been dragged out to a club, and what happens there with Edward Elric only encourages his hatred of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clubs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [decembercat](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=decembercat).



Contrary to popular belief, Envy did not like clubs. They were noisy, crowded, and the only place where vibrant green dreadlocks and a guy wearing an almost-skirt didn't earn so much as a second glance. In fact, Envy had such little regard for clubs that whenever it was judged that he was getting too smug, he would be dragged to a club. A club was a harsh slap and shout of, "You are not a fucking insanely weird unique snowflake. This place is full of a million people more fucking insanely weird than you'll ever get to be."

Of course, it wasn't a million people, but since Envy always felt ant-sized in clubs, every person seemed like a thousand people.

Roy said that Envy was a drama queen — where could he possibly have come up with that idea? Probably Envy's starring role in last year's production of  _Hamlet_. He'd worn green hair through that, too, but in here there was some guy with a rainbow afro serving drinks. How could he possibly compete with that?

So Envy was sitting sulking by the bar, fruity colourful cocktail in one hand, the other holding up his face, while Roy was leading a conga line of what looked like the Village People.

"Hey," a voice behind him said, "This seat taken?"

"If no one's sitting there, no," Envy sighed without looking up. He was, after all, the size of an ant in here, and maybe that guy would crush him with a step, even if he sounded kind of whiny.

"Cool."

As he sat, the man came into Envy's view. If he was the size of an ant, this guy was the size of an atom. A gorgeous atom, Envy observed as he glanced over. He was very tan, with golden hair hanging down to his shoulders, and very topless, which was very easy to appreciate.

"…come here often?" Envy asked, before deciding he wished he could die for saying something so painfully  _common_. It was the club's influence, draining away all his awesome. Because he was awesome. Completely. Just not when he was in clubs.

The golden atom glanced over, and his eyes were just as golden as his hair. And for some reason, sympathetic. "Sorry, honey, I'm gay. That's why I'm here."

Envy's jaw dropped.

"Well, see ya." He took his drink and joined Roy's conga line.

Envy despised clubs.


End file.
